I think this could belong in GOD just for the fact I need prayers but also maybe someone could help me figure out the things I've been thinking about.

So I feel completely dead inside. Like a scientific human. flesh, bones, organs. I feel no emotions anymore except anger. The only things I feel are animalistic hunger cold etc.
and I have been thinking like the big why. what's it all for?
I'm not like suicidal it's deeper than that more like what's the point of life?
Why work except to buy things that will break? or if they don't break and outlast you they'll end up in the trash bin or a resale shop after you're gone.
I understanding working to pay bills so you can have a place to call home water power and food but beyond that (and music) who cares??
Why take care of yourself if you're only gonna die?
Why love anyone or anything if they are only temporary?
Why better yourself? Why care?
Everything is only temporary in this life so why bother with trying too hard?


depression can make your brain wonky to say the least. I haven't talked to any of my online or real life friends in weeks and weeks.
(sorry jim and victor. i miss our bulletins!!! )

wow im sorry your feeling this way . I know this sounds like a cop out or an easy out but perhaps seek professional help somewhere. Thats what I did and things started working out a little better with the proper meds....In the meantime, you got my email if ya ever need to talk or vent...

Thanks Jim.

See the thing about professional help is I know, like know that I probably definitely need it.
I know it's not normal to think the thoughts that I do, have the general feelings that I do. I mean I see normal well adjusted people and part of me think - yeah right it's a front they're just better at hiding their madness and the other part of me thinks that I want to be normal and be able to be -gasp- happy.
But you know how much we're on the road so seeing a shrink is hard.
I am definately gonna get that kava kava next time we go home, cuz I need something ya know?