Should You Ask Someone Before You Drag Their PASTOR Into It?

I have had an ongoing dispute with somebody this week.

I grew tired of everything I say offending them, and their anger snowballing at me which in turn would cause them to hurl accusations at me (you're being prideful, you're being petty, etc), and then hanging up on me. I was tired of basically what I consider to be psychological abuse, and I decided to stand up for myself and tell them to stop. I was rather upset when I emailed them, and I said a few 'milder' words like 'crap', 'pissed off', 'that sucks', and such.

Well - this individual took it upon themself to contact my Pastor and forward that whole email conversation to him.

Here's the appalling part........

He totally took their side in my opinion. He said he didn't want my side of the story, and that all he saw from them was professionalism, and then proceeded to correct me about the foul language. I can take that part, whatever. My generation doesn't really consider those to be curse words, but okay.

The part that bothers me the most is that he didn't even consider my side of the story, and believed a complete stranger.

A complete stranger who is obviously bipolar and/or schizophrenic and/or totally paranoid according to me and everyone I know who knows him.

But my Pastor has never met him, and has no idea what this individual is like. So I think it's totally unfair of him to assume that this person is 100% in the right and I'm in the wrong and not even let me tell my side of the story.

NOW - I know this person. And if I know him as well as I think I do, then he will probably not only post on here, but will probably email this post to my Pastor, as he seems to be wanting to cause as much trouble for me as possible, when all he had to do was, say he was sorry.

I will also say that I have been posting on here, and getting Pastoral counsel from Pastor Bob and all the other ministers on here, for 10 years. This is as much my church as my actual church, and I feel like I have a right to bring this up to you guys.

The part that I want to ask you guys a question about is this - yes, I believe in Godly confrontation according to - what is it - Matthew 6? BUT.......before you pull somebody's Pastor into the picture....especially if you've never met the guy......if you're truly doing a LOVING confrontation.......shouldn't you at least TELL the person you're doing it first???????

If you don't......isn't that sort of backstabbing........?????

And shouldn't a Pastor always hear BOTH sides of the story before making a snap decision as to who's right and who's wrong, or correcting anybody?

Either your pastor knows you more than you think or he is totally a flake....either way i wouldnt worry about it. Just jackslap the person that narced on you. Twisted Evil

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i think they should, but i really dont know becouse i hardly ever go to church! so how would i know, but i do think that that pastor is in the wrong by not lissing to both sides of the story. and you said that he didnt even know this guy. that is just wrong!!!! hey you never called me back.
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Perfection:
To never see it snow, or ever feel the rain again,
To never be in love, or having to explain again,
To not have to cover my face so
you won't see my pain,
that would be perfection.

well...

i'd just jackslap the person that narced you (copyright jim burns)

lol...
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Love is like a flower; even the most beautiful kind dies.

Was I supposed to call you? I'm sorry. I've been busy, sick, busy, tired, upset, busy, etc.....did I say busy? I'm sorry. LOL

I never got a message from you, if you did call perhaps my husband or son deleted it not knowing who it was.

I will go into my PM's and get your # and call you soon. The only thing is, I work 2nd shift so what's a good time to call and how late do you stay up???

umm till like 2 or 3 in the morning, i think your husband answerd, he toled me that he would tell you i called, but i guess he didnt.
_________________
Perfection:
To never see it snow, or ever feel the rain again,
To never be in love, or having to explain again,
To not have to cover my face so
you won't see my pain,
that would be perfection.

that's probablly bcuz u called at 2 or 3 in the morning!!

lol, just kidding ^^
_________________
Love is like a flower; even the most beautiful kind dies.

funny Victor!!! you need to call me too, i enjoyed talking to you the other day.
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Perfection:
To never see it snow, or ever feel the rain again,
To never be in love, or having to explain again,
To not have to cover my face so
you won't see my pain,
that would be perfection.

Hopefully you two can work it out, if not, sometimes it's best to be wronged and trust the results to God, all conflicts will not be resolved this side of eternity.........."keep your armor on!" Cool

Changeling Dude..........do you know who I'm talking about or something, or did you just make a lucky guess with your comment????

That's why I said, "shutting up now" (as in, okay I'M shutting up now) because I don't want to blurt the person's identity out on here, and have them going off on me.........

...........again.

We'll just drop it then, good to hear things turned out ok.

LOL ok.

This is all over with now anyways, or at least I hope it is. It seems to keep rearing its ugly head but I am so done with it.

I just don't want to be accused of talking "about" somebody (who has told me that they talk to Changeling just fyi unless they were incorrect) when I was really only wanting to talk about the concept of dragging someone's pastor into a situation when it probably could have been settled between people.

Matthew 18:15-17

15.
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

16.
But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established .

17.
And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

So correct me if I'm wrong you guys. This is the order of how you're supposed to confront someone. I mean, tell me if I'm crazy here:

Step 1: LOVINGLY confront that person, to their face, without anybody else being involved. THEN.......after you've given them a chance to listen and work it out, and you're SURE they aren't going to listen.......

Step 2: Take TWO or THREE OTHERS (not just copied in on an email) and they should also be UNINTERESTED parties, i.e. not somebody who is helping you with your ministry, etc., and have them go with you to the person. Again, LOVINGLY confront the person. Once you and those two or three uninterested parties are SURE that they aren't going to listen (and you've given them a chance to respond).....

Step 3: Go before "the church" (i.e. a congregation and not just tattle-taling to somebody's pastor) and confront the person. If they still will not listen, then you treat them as a tax collector.

Once again - this should be when that person has done YOU wrong, not when you've done them wrong and want to be justified in what you've done.

So........how does just jumping over steps 1-3 fit in to calling up their Pastor and dragging him into a dispute????

I'd just like to know everyone's opinions on this, just for future reference, because I don't think it's scriptural to do it that way myself.........call me crazy, but........