During my teenage years until my 19th I believe I feared the darkness of this world, that is the very thing we fight against as Christians. I lived focused more on spiritual life than physical. I knew of God but also of the evils within my own heart. Unable to understand self-denial at the age I couldn't fight agaist it.
You must understand I was extremely spiritual, picking many of closer friends by sight alone, just knowing. As such in my attempts to 'embrace' my own darkness I delved into the occult, seeking power. Sometime during high school I summoned a spirit to be my guardian. This spell succeeded.
To this day I suffer from my experiences, this morning as I lay in bed with too much energy to sleep(but afflicted with laziness and apathy). A demon began to oppress me, I dont know if you've felt such a thing. It's like a massive weight holding you pinned down, this was different. It fought to finally crush my will and steal my mind. I dreamt finally after spending the whole night seeking sleep.
In the dream I fought my hardest to speak the Lord's Prayer in which I take my refuge when I feel unsettled. I'd managed to gain freedom in the dream and would reach over to grab my bible, upon opening it I found that it had gapes in the writing and it spoke of things other than God. Fear gripped me again and I finally managed to find my voice and speak aloud the full of the Lord's Prayer. I awoke prayed the prayer again and moved into another room. My bible was actually in the living room and I grabbed it as I passed.
When I opened it to read I as I do when terror grips me, it opened to Hebrews 6. Which warns us not to fall away from the gospel. I'm writing this in the hopes that you would all pray for me and the removal of these demons and spirits that afflict me. I need freedom, I desperately want freedom. Next sunday I need to speak with the pastor of my church so that I am prayed for by a preacher.
I hold tight to the hope that freedom is on the way, but no longer can I remain silent holding my burdens to myself. I am also new to this sight, and though not 'strictly' goth but more of a 'freak' I relate as such to a higher degree than other designations. So this is also a hellur, becuz I cannot remain serious for too long(brush with insanity left me scarred).