some questions...and a life update, and stuff.

well folks,

i'm not exactly loving life right now.
i mean it's good and all,
but i've come to the conclusion that death wouldn't be so bad. im not suicidal or anything, but yeah.
i love music......i think this is good, but it seems like i love it more than people....i dont know..

life's been good to me, i shouldn't complain as much as i do, but i do it still.....maybe..i dunno, but i have a couple questions.

first,
am i a total freak, or does everybody ponder on the subjects of death and suicide on a reg?

secondly,
depression, is it against scripture? i mean, i praise God and all, i still respect my folks, but i just keep falling back down this.....spiral..

and also..
im just pretty confused about most things that are going on in life right now. it's simply because im a teenager, right?
i mean, im not gonna be stuck like this, stumbling about in the fog of misconception and doubt until i'm layed to rest?
this would bring to me insanity.

so yeah, i just need to know that im not living the wrong way, to be assured that, even though i AM different (im happy with this) im not just, totally screwd up in the head......because nothing makes sense anymore.

i just ordered my new ipod, im pretty ecstatic about that, what?! wouldn't YOU be??


sorry, i just totally rambled all over sanctuary, but i dont know how to get thesse thoughts out.

and GUESS WHAT!!!!!!
i didnt change the shipping adress on my order,
so now the one thing i was looking forward to is skrewd up too.
grand eh?!

Okay, darling boy, let's take each one as you asked it.

Quote :

first,
am i a total freak, or does everybody ponder on the subjects of death and suicide on a reg?

Well, if you are a freak, then you are in good company, as this is a boards of total Jesus freaks of all levels, and we are proud of it. So, THANK YOU for hanging out with us freaks!

And actually, yes, pondering on death is fairly regular for me. Death is a forward move for Christians and a release from the confines, boundaries, and temptations of this sinful world.

Do I look forward to death - yes and no. Yes, as in I will be with those in heaven, have all my questions answered, and will be totally unconstrained by flesh.

No, as far as thinking of suicide. I will confess something to all right now, as I have already confessed to one board member. I do not understand suicide. I would be a LOUSY counsel for someone seriously contemplating suicide. I simply CANNOT imagine life so bleak that the morning cannot bring a chance to change it for the better.

My life has not been rosy - just start with an alcoholic, physically abusive father and a pill-popping, weak mother who would not protect us, and you can just let your imagination go from there.

But I always knew there was something better - I just had to wake up each morning and go after it until I found it. And, of course, I finally found it in Jesus.

Quote :

secondly,
depression, is it against scripture? i mean, i praise God and all, i still respect my folks, but i just keep falling back down this.....spiral..

and also.. im just pretty confused about most things that are going on in life right now. it's simply because im a teenager, right?
i mean, im not gonna be stuck like this, stumbling about in the fog of misconception and doubt until i'm layed to rest?
this would bring to me insanity.

Depression is a medical condition and as far as I know, there is no medical condition against scripture.

More than likely, most everything you doubt and stumble with is due to your hormonal changes of adolescence and coming of age.

Your body is undergoing MASSIVE changes and will for quite a while. (At least it will feel that way...) Most of it really is just because you are a teenager, so read up on the changes, talk with your parents or counselor at church, and get ready for even more roller-coaster emotions!

Your faith WILL see you through all of it and again, we are here for you as well. Don't be afraid to ask ANYTHING! Trust me, with the misfits and freaks that we are, we can answer ANYTHING with the experiences that we have had!




You are loved, Victor - deeply and completely by your heavenly Father, and by us on this board.

oh.
i should've cleared that up.
i would NEVER commit suicide....but..for some reason am fascinated with the idea, go figure.

depression.......this is one of my battles, obstacles..and still somehow one of the most comforting things in my life, i used to think i truly enjoyed it, but it's not that, i feel...peaceful, when im like this.

MetalheaD wrote:

oh.
i should've cleared that up.
i would NEVER commit suicide....but..for some reason am fascinated with the idea, go figure.

No, I got that... what I said, I meant literally - you said ponder, I said thinking. Not thinking of, or pondering TO DO, but to think or ponder on the subject of.

Right?

Trust me, in 2 years you will look back and wonder what was I thinking.

I'm 35 and I still feel the exact same way you do.

Hey brother,

The teen years are supposed to be a jumble of emotions and so forth. Everyone who posted above has posted something wise. Listen to them.

Thinking about death is honestly a natural thing for people. We are mortal afterall. I think about the idea of death and other big truths quite often. I am glad to read that you are not contemplating suicide or murder, however.

For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:53-58

Death is a very interesting thing. But, to me, that's what makes life all the more interesting as well. Especially new life.

Quote :

....you are not contemplating murder..

i dont recall saying im not contemplating murder.......im trying to talk myself out of it right now!

and yeah, im sure death is natural, but was just unsure wether or not i was alone in thinking about it all the time.
and i see that im not.

MetalheaD wrote:

Quote :

....you are not contemplating murder..

i dont recall saying im not contemplating murder.......im trying to talk myself out of it right now!

and yeah, im sure death is natural, but was just unsure wether or not i was alone in thinking about it all the time.
and i see that im not.

Contemplating death all the time is not natural even if others do it. Jesus waits to talk to about your murderous thoughts, bro. I'll be praying with you about it.

wtf?

up there you said it was natural.

sin is also natural, and to plan to commit it is, it's fighting against that's hard, and that's my only real predicament at the moment, i feel like if i do this it will make everything much more......tolerable..

*edit*
im not going to go into all this here. just, forget about the murder comments. :)

Hmmmm....I would say at any age one could ponder on either of these subjects you are talking about. However, there is peace that passes ALL understanding with Jesus. I always looked at that verse as a means of NOT having to understand nothing, but having complete PEACE about it anyway, knowing Christ Jesus held me through it. Does that make any sense to you? Everyone struggles, everyone questions, there isn't anything abnormal about that I don't think, it's how you look at the WHOLE picture, not just one part of it. Thinking an action of death or being lost in a depression would make one's life more tolerble, instead, the thought and big picture of all those things pondering in your mind, yet the Father hovering over you and all of those things are outside of Him...You see? Sorry if I sound confusing, I go on and on sometimes.

MetalheaD wrote:

wtf?

up there you said it was natural.

sin is also natural, and to plan to commit it is, it's fighting against that's hard, and that's my only real predicament at the moment, i feel like if i do this it will make everything much more......tolerable..

*edit*
im not going to go into all this here. just, forget about the murder comments.

Dude, calm down! "wtf" stands for a very unintelligent phrase. I know you can express yourself better than that.

My point: thinking about the idea of death is natural for us all, but contemplating it too much is unhealthy. Think about what I've written-there is no contradiction. Everything in moderation, right? That's all I meant. Peace.

Gwalchmai wrote:

Dude, calm down! "wtf" stands for a very unintelligent phrase. of death is natI know you can express yourself better than that.

oh im calm.
that just happens to be one of my favorite phrases.
thanks for the compliment though :|
pfft

this has gone far enough, the point of my post was one of little importance, and still the same was abandoned.
just forget about it...

MetalheaD wrote:

Gwalchmai wrote:

Dude, calm down! "wtf" stands for a very unintelligent phrase. of death is natI know you can express yourself better than that.

oh im calm.
that just happens to be one of my favorite phrases.
thanks for the compliment though
pfft

this has gone far enough, the point of my post was one of little importance, and still the same was abandoned.
just forget about it...

Understood. I have a nasty little habit of trying to make my point clear. I'll nit pick and fight hard to make it happen even in the most tedious of circumstances. That's just my thing.

Victor - being always a few dollars short and like a week late I still wanna chime in here.
Mostly chime in with agreement with you. Although everyone here has said some really grea meaningful stuff I too am always wondering if my depression is a sin. My husband seems to think it is (there's a lot he believes and dosen't believe about depression) which makes me do nothing but close myself off to the world and whenever I get a few blessed moments alone I spend them crying.
I don't think depression is a sin I think that God creates each and everyone of us just the way we're supposed to be.
I am also guilty to use the word lightly of having an obsession with death from when I was younger than you and I still have it.
I think the one thing that keeps me from throwing in the towel - well two things is that 1 - I am scared of hell and was always taught if you take life - your own or others you will go to hell and 2 - if I was to give up the world would win. I am many things one of them is a fighter.

your word is always appreciated Di, i like hearing from ya : )

i'll prolly just post a blog about it,
but i'm pretty much in love with life right now (mood swings, i know) but the past couple of days i've been just having a ball with the most mundane things
and the clouds......oh the clouds, just stop and look at them now and then, they're so beautiful, i learned that yesterday.

mood swings are the spice of life hun!

and clouds rock!

yes they do.

i think i shall write a poem about these glorious things.

(yes. i do have a sudden enfatuation with clouds.)