prayers please

I need some serious prayers. I am just having a very very hard time coping with well life and things are weighing on me very very heavily and all I do is cry I don't want to sound like I'm just crying for help or crying wolf but I don't know how much longer I am gonna be able to take it. So please pray that either I make it through this rough time or that my soul is not damnt to hell. because as much as I can't stand this like I know hell is worse.

sorry you're having some rough times di, i'll be praying for you though : )

Very sorry. I am praying for peace and rest.

If my prayers are heard I am sending them up for you.

Di, you are a dear part of us and we are here for you. Praying comfort, peace of mind, and answers for you...

thanks all. it means a lot to me. today was the first ok day i've had in awhile. i am still pondering a lot of things and keeping a back up plan just in case but i don't want to have to go that route.
and Jim, God hears all our prayers.
I love all you guys and gals!

UPDATE****
I must give it up for the power of prayer - this storm has passed. And it was the worst one yet.
Thanks all - and thank you Jesus.

{{{hugs Di}}}}

God bless you, sis.

((((hugs)))) back at ya Marcia.
and thanx Lia

It feels so good to know that in my most weakest points I have all y'all on my team too.

It might be beneficial to kinda tell us a bit without too much detail of course how this battle went....How God showed his sword...and how others prayers sharpened that sword.... Many pray , but its rare that we hear about the fruit of that prayer....so if it isnt too personal....Please I need an uplifting report on how God answers the prayers of his saints. If not, I understand fully.

I'll tell here tomorrow- sleep now.

OK didn't go online yesterday because I actually had a little fun. We were in SLC at a Lowes waiting to be unloaded and had hours to kill so I walked all by myself to the WalMart across the street and hung out there for a few hours. I know it dosent sound fun or exciting but it was the first time in months I went anywhere without my husband and the first time in weeks I was anywhere except the truck or a truck stop.


So here's the story. Me and my husband have somewhat of a strained realtionship. I have tried (according to the bible) talking to him one on one - no help, then I tried having someone else talk to him with me - still no help so now I feel no remorse about putting my prolbems in the open.
He is a very dominating person,one of those people that always has to be right no matter what. I learned this a long time ago so I never disagree with him.
He also dosen't believe in depression. He thinks anyone who is "depressed" just wants attention or is flat our crazy, so I never can talk to him about the depression I suffer.
He's not crazy about the clothes I chose, when I'm going to pick out clothes he will get on my case if I chose black or dark clothes.
He tries to make me into something I'm not but says he's trying to help me.

Mind you I practicaly raised myself from the time I was a teenager and never once had to answer to anyone.

I know he has a good heart but he hurts me a lot emotionally. And when I asked for prayers it was because I was trying to decide if I should end it all. And I don't mean our marriage. I got a box of sleeping pills, a plastic bag and a scarf and the thing is I don't want to but have no friends I can go to no family that I talk to. Even if I had people to call we are always an arm's length away from each other so it's not like I could call someone and say "I swear I am going to throw myself outta this moving truck if he dosen't get off my back"

So I called for help from God and your prayers and in the course of like 2 days, he just backed off. Nothing about me changed - I was still trying to figure out where and when I should do it.
But then he just started acting nicer - he even just put on music in the truck -usually he listens to talk radio all day and when I put on my ipod to block it out he huffs and puffs when I'm ignoring everything.
And I was thinking maybe that I was imagining his ways but my kinda friend said something about how dominating he is.

That's it in a nut shell. All those feelings of wanting to end it all left when he started acting nicer and making things a little more comfortable for me.
The thing is once every few weeks we end up in a screaming match so I may call for prayers again.
It's very very hard to spend 24/7 in the same small space with the same person.

wow....that is definatly a harsh enviroment to have to live in....My whole family also didnt believe in depression or mental problems untill they hit home with me....Still I am a black sheep because of the meds i have to be on to keep from killing people....SO I know how frustrating that is for you...all I can say is im sorry you have to go through that.

Thanks Jim.
The worst thing is I know that I should be on meds. I mean if you're a danger to yourself or others, ya know they want you to be on meds so you don't slip off the edge. But my husband refuses to let me on them. So I turn to you all for help when it gets really bad.
I mean I still believe that by killing yourself you're letting the world win, but sometimes I don't even have the energy to fight.

What helps me is that I hate the world and most things and people in it....so to let it win by offing myself is unacceptable...

Wow! Send an email to Marcia and figure out a way to get out of that situation. You are more valuable than any marriage, and in the best case, a separation might help your husband take a fresh perspective on your relationship.

Cheers,

Ian

I hear ya Jim. As much as I try to love the world I have this thing like the world is trying to destroy me and I cannot let that happen no matter what.

Ian. Thanks. I mean I know that I don't deserve to be miserable. I don't think I should have to live a joyless life where I am just waiting to die. I just have a huge problem with my total lack of self esteem and self worth.
I mean the sad thing is if anyone I knew was telling me about her life and it was like mine I'd move heaven and hell to get her better, but since it's happening to me I feel like I did something to deserve it and like why bother it's only life.

Even if I do nothing it still makes me feel loads better to get it off my chest and hear someone tell me that I'm not a bad person and that I am justified in my misery.
He never ever hits me or anything I wouldn't take but people always assume that there is some sort of abuse because they try to ask me real nice and discreet if everything's ok.

glad you're feeling a bit better...and if being depressed makes you crazy.....

well, we're all crazy--just laugh about it and move on

Quote :

He never ever hits me or anything I wouldn't take but people always assume that there is some sort of abuse because they try to ask me real nice and discreet if everything's ok.

Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and as easy for people on the outside to see.

The problem with us as the victims (because I once was a victim) is that we lose track of the boundaries of acceptable behaviour and unacceptable from our abusers. We've been in the abusive relationship so long that we can't recognize what is "normal" and what is "abnormal".

And the problem with those who suffer depression is the same boundaries are fuzzed because the brain is wired differently, so it has a different, sometimes fluctuating definition of normal and acceptable.

When both conditions occur, those boundaries continue to shift and slide because RIGHT is NOT KNOWN and there is no strength left for finding the RIGHT mix of behaviour.

New "normals" are created with each passing day, each a little more accepting of abuse than the previous.

This is the cycle that must be RECOGNIZED first, and then stopped. With or without meds - with or without your husband. You must reach a place where you WANT and DESIRE to be the right kind of normal: healthy self-esteem, a desire to pursue joy and happiness in your life, and a desire for a healthy relationship with your husband.

So where does your husband fit into this? Fact is, he doesn't.

This is YOUR decision and yours alone and you must decide what you want. However, I can say with all certainty that WE CARE ABOUT YOU and want you ALIVE and WITH US.

Where to start? RECOGNIZE YOUR WORTH! You are a beloved daughter of the Most High God and a cherished sister of Jesus Himself!

START PRAISING GOD - no matter what. The joy of the Lord is your strength and you need strength. Thank Him for sunrises, sunsets, rain and dusty roads, smooth traffic and long tedious traffic.

Thank Him for your LIFE - you have PURPOSE and MEANING and you must explore that and find it for yourself! You are such an interesting person and you bring your own unique experiences and views to us. I cannot imagine this board without you on it each week - I get excited when I see new posts by you!

Here's a toughie: PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND. LOVE him right where he is. IMAGINE him to be the Godly husband you desire and PRAY DAILY for someone to come into your lives and reach your husband in a way so that he will respond. (This is a powerful thing to do... and it will be for you as well as it is for him.)

This things are just the beginning - more will come as you need it. You are loved!

For you to pray, and know we are praying this for you as well:

Father God,

In this time of need, strengthen me.

You are my strength and my shield; You are my refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

I know, Father, that Your eyes go to and fro throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts long for You. The body grows weary, but my hope is in You to renew my strength.

I do not fear, for You are with me.

I am not dismayed or overwhelmed, for You are my God.

I know You will strengthen me and help me; that You will uphold me with Your righteous hand. Even as the shadows of depression cover me, I reach for the comfort of Your strength, Father.

I reach for the joy of Your strength, Father.

I reach for the peace of Your strength, Father.

I reach for YOU, Father.

Prayin for ya switchblade.

this is prolly off topic....

but i think medications are for the most part a conspiracy......

i mean there are some cases where it truly is the only answer, but i'm a firm believer in holistic and natural health.

Thank you soooo much for your words Marcia and again for all the prayers from everyone.
Sometimes it takes someone else to make you see the light and I can see it.


Youre not off topic about meds Victor. I don't really want to be on meds but I don't want to ever feel so weak that I want to give up. I used to drink and do drugs to 'self-medicate' but before when sometime made me too depressed I'd rid myself of it. But now it's a marriage and I have just read the passage against divorce in the Bible. I'd really hate to upset the one guy who love me as I am.
I know my husband is a good person and I do think your prayers are softening him. I just don't want this to be the bottom of the same hill we keep climbing.

But I can tell you I am close to tears right now - tears of joy. I know that I am loved By God and by you guys and that means so much to me. I love you all!!!!