thoughts on teenage romance.

i realize this doesn't exactly apply to anyone here--too bad. read it anyway.
lol

i went from friends to something more than friends with heather about 6 months ago (give or take)
and only just today she decided it was just to much, didn't want to hurt me, but had to "leave" and all this buiseness...i wanted to be heartbroken, i felt so very guilty because i never lost a single tear.

but then i began thinking about it, i was working pretty hard to keep it going, i worked for weeks to set up a...rather unique, date, and she turned me down at the last minute. i had asked her to do only one thing in the year that i'd known her, a simple thing, and she denied me.
i still love the girl, but in the same way i did when we were friends, but she's simply not a good friend! and she doesn't really love herself.

*deep breath* SO!
i realize i'm no veteran, no expert on relationships or marrige, or on anything for that matter! but i think those with big relationship problems (of any kind) should remember this: to be a good friend, you must first love yourself, to be a good spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend--you've got to first have the capacity to be a good friend.

the moral of the story is:
"if heather don't love heather, how's VICTOR supposed to love heather?"


kthxbye!

Sorry hun. I mean even if you were in the right mind to realize that it wasn't working out and it's better this way it's still a little sad.

I must again brag on you though for being so mature. What you are saying is totally true. To have a good relation ship you do have to have the capacity to be a good friend and you do have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
That's my issue I have horrible self esteem and have a hard time combining friendship and relationships.

You constantly floor me. You have it more together than most people I run into that are older than you and out on their own.

Quote :

I have horrible self esteem and have a hard time combining friendship and relationships.

i know the feeling...i spend a good amount of time in front of the mirror telling myself that i'm worth something...i mean, i know i am, it's just hard to keep that mindset.

as of now, my goal is to always have a goal. i AM a strong person, up until a year ago i was very emotionaly strong, and always had an impressive amount of will power...something changed.
so now, i'm working back up to my former strength. i will continue working on this until i SHITE myself each time i look in the mirror.

MetalheaD wrote:

as of now, my goal is to always have a goal.

you know as simple and basic as that sounds it's actually a really really great idea. I mean I live my life like in this meh state of mind. I don't care what goes on or what i do it could rain or shine, meh, we could go here or there meh. But I think if I borrow your goal it may help me.
Once again you save the day Victor

Goal! A goal! Oh, it's a goal! LOL sry I had to quote that video!

LOLOL

I pretty much agree with Switchbladekitter.

Also, I feel that the modern American view of dating is really jacked up, and that is usually a waste of time for anybody who isn't mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually and physically ready to get married, only because your feelings are naturally going to progress toward that end, until you hit a wall that you either can't or shouldn't climb (sex) and you're either going to break up or do it, and both situations inevitably bring pain.

From my dating days, (that of me and my friends) I remember that no matter how hard you try, once you open that can of worms (a serious relationship beyond friends), you eventually reach this situation:

Usually, you either...

- Don't have sex and you end up breaking up because the temptation is too great,

- Don't have sex and the one of you who does want to have it finds somebody else who will and then dumps the other one,

- Do have sex and then end up breaking up because you no longer respect each other or yourself, or;

- Do have sex and then end up breaking up because she got pregnant and you aren't ready to be a daddy.

So IMO, for people your age and even way older, it's a pointless waste of time.

I'm sorry about your situation though, I know it's painful.

But maybe you could consider putting serious relationships on the back burner until you're emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually and mentally ready to get married.

That way, if you do come to that wall, you'll have all the tools you need to climb it. (A career with decent income, maturity, spiritual maturity, ready to be the spiritual head of your household, etc).

Just a thought.

PS: Find a book called Eyes Wide Open and read it - you won't be sorry!

I really wish I would have worked on me before I got into my marriage. I am only giving part of myself to the relationship, like maybe 1/4 of me the other 3/4 of me dosen't care about anyone or anything.

I get to the point some days where I think romance is a joke and love songs make me kinda throw up in my mouth.

i've thought more on this lately, and i think that it very much is reliant upon the maturity of all parties involved.

if you can take it seriously, but not get wrapped around the axle in a relationship it's all good...still, what's the point?

(rhetorical question.)

Yeah it's kind of a waste of time if you're not ready to get married, if you ask me.

My son is 22 and has chosen to wait until God brings the right one into his life, in His timing.

I think that's the wisest choice he's ever made!

Seriously, dude - read Eyes Wide Open!