Should You Ask Someone Before You Drag Their PASTOR Into It?

I have had an ongoing dispute with somebody this week.

I grew tired of everything I say offending them, and their anger snowballing at me which in turn would cause them to hurl accusations at me (you're being prideful, you're being petty, etc), and then hanging up on me. I was tired of basically what I consider to be psychological abuse, and I decided to stand up for myself and tell them to stop. I was rather upset when I emailed them, and I said a few 'milder' words like 'crap', 'pissed off', 'that sucks', and such.

Well - this individual took it upon themself to contact my Pastor and forward that whole email conversation to him.

Here's the appalling part........

He totally took their side in my opinion. He said he didn't want my side of the story, and that all he saw from them was professionalism, and then proceeded to correct me about the foul language. I can take that part, whatever. My generation doesn't really consider those to be curse words, but okay.

The part that bothers me the most is that he didn't even consider my side of the story, and believed a complete stranger.

A complete stranger who is obviously bipolar and/or schizophrenic and/or totally paranoid according to me and everyone I know who knows him.

But my Pastor has never met him, and has no idea what this individual is like. So I think it's totally unfair of him to assume that this person is 100% in the right and I'm in the wrong and not even let me tell my side of the story.

NOW - I know this person. And if I know him as well as I think I do, then he will probably not only post on here, but will probably email this post to my Pastor, as he seems to be wanting to cause as much trouble for me as possible, when all he had to do was, say he was sorry.

I will also say that I have been posting on here, and getting Pastoral counsel from Pastor Bob and all the other ministers on here, for 10 years. This is as much my church as my actual church, and I feel like I have a right to bring this up to you guys.

The part that I want to ask you guys a question about is this - yes, I believe in Godly confrontation according to - what is it - Matthew 6? BUT.......before you pull somebody's Pastor into the picture....especially if you've never met the guy......if you're truly doing a LOVING confrontation.......shouldn't you at least TELL the person you're doing it first???????

If you don't......isn't that sort of backstabbing........?????

And shouldn't a Pastor always hear BOTH sides of the story before making a snap decision as to who's right and who's wrong, or correcting anybody?

Either your pastor knows you more than you think or he is totally a flake....either way i wouldnt worry about it. Just jackslap the person that narced on you.

i think they should, but i really dont know becouse i hardly ever go to church! so how would i know, but i do think that that pastor is in the wrong by not lissing to both sides of the story. and you said that he didnt even know this guy. that is just wrong!!!! hey you never called me back.

well...

i'd just jackslap the person that narced you (copyright jim burns)

lol...

Was I supposed to call you? I'm sorry. I've been busy, sick, busy, tired, upset, busy, etc.....did I say busy? I'm sorry. LOL

I never got a message from you, if you did call perhaps my husband or son deleted it not knowing who it was.

I will go into my PM's and get your # and call you soon. The only thing is, I work 2nd shift so what's a good time to call and how late do you stay up???

umm till like 2 or 3 in the morning, i think your husband answerd, he toled me that he would tell you i called, but i guess he didnt.

that's probablly bcuz u called at 2 or 3 in the morning!!

lol, just kidding ^^

funny Victor!!! you need to call me too, i enjoyed talking to you the other day.

Hopefully you two can work it out, if not, sometimes it's best to be wronged and trust the results to God, all conflicts will not be resolved this side of eternity.........."keep your armor on!"

The Changeling wrote:

"keep your armor on!"

*shutting up now*

Okay but yeah anyways about my Pastor. He talked to us, and it's all good. He continues to amaze me with his kindness. He did not take this person's side of the story and did listen to mine. In fact, he thought things were weird the moment this individual called from out of the blue, as a total stranger, requesting his email address and not telling him why. Also he found it to be a red flag that this person wouldn't show up in person or schedule a face to face confrontation, but did everything via email.

It's over now though, and Changeling we don't have to drop hints or tell anybody who it was.

I honestly just wanted to know how everybody felt about somebody doing a Matthew 6 challenge without it being face to face, and without getting that person's permission before running to their Pastor, whom he had never met.

Changeling Dude..........do you know who I'm talking about or something, or did you just make a lucky guess with your comment????

That's why I said, "shutting up now" (as in, okay I'M shutting up now) because I don't want to blurt the person's identity out on here, and have them going off on me.........

...........again.

We'll just drop it then, good to hear things turned out ok.

Tonnenator wrote:

Changeling Dude..........do you know who I'm talking about or something, or did you just make a lucky guess with your comment????

It was not even a lucky guess - I'm sure Mark was only encouraging you, using Ephesians 6: 13, "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground."

Great verse!

LOL ok. This is all over with now anyways, or at least I hope it is. It seems to keep rearing its ugly head but I am so done with it.

I just don't want to be accused of talking "about" somebody (who has told me that they talk to Changeling just fyi unless they were incorrect) when I was really only wanting to talk about the concept of dragging someone's pastor into a situation when it probably could have been settled between people.

Matthew 18:15-17

• 15.
  
• Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
  

• 16.
  
• But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established .
  

• 17.
  
• And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
  

So correct me if I'm wrong you guys. This is the order of how you're supposed to confront someone. I mean, tell me if I'm crazy here:

Step 1: LOVINGLY confront that person, to their face, without anybody else being involved. THEN.......after you've given them a chance to listen and work it out, and you're SURE they aren't going to listen.......

Step 2: Take TWO or THREE OTHERS (not just copied in on an email) and they should also be UNINTERESTED parties, i.e. not somebody who is helping you with your ministry, etc., and have them go with you to the person. Again, LOVINGLY confront the person. Once you and those two or three uninterested parties are SURE that they aren't going to listen (and you've given them a chance to respond).....

Step 3: Go before "the church" (i.e. a congregation and not just tattle-taling to somebody's pastor) and confront the person. If they still will not listen, then you treat them as a tax collector.

Once again - this should be when that person has done YOU wrong, not when you've done them wrong and want to be justified in what you've done.

So........how does just jumping over steps 1-3 fit in to calling up their Pastor and dragging him into a dispute????

I'd just like to know everyone's opinions on this, just for future reference, because I don't think it's scriptural to do it that way myself.........call me crazy, but........

Since the only valid church is the Catholic Church, this entire thread is obsolete!

brutal!
i love it!!
haha, i think i have a new best friend ppl...u sound just like my priest....which is good.

Um............ok. O.o

well the cards are on the table now..so i'll just say it i guess.

we recognize seeds of truth in protestant religions, and contrary to popular belief, we do NOT think you'll go to hell for not being catholic. (err, i dont anyway) but i DO believe that the catholic faith is the original and only (completely) true religion....

no offense to anyone here...it's simply mine, and my churches beliefs.

Devitio Atrum wrote:

well the cards are on the table now..so i'll just say it i guess.

we recognize seeds of truth in protestant religions, and contrary to popular belief, we do NOT think you'll go to hell for not being catholic. (err, i dont anyway) but i DO believe that the catholic faith is the original and only (completely) true religion....

no offense to anyone here...it's simply mine, and my churches beliefs.

Before this goes any further, please have some guidance.

Keep THIS particular thread focused on Tonne's first post, i.e. confronting a brother/sister in sin.

If some of you want to start a new thread on the differences between Catholics and Protestants, please feel the freedom to do so.

HOWEVER, know that it will be closely monitored for adherence to the forums rules. Those rules should be read by each of you again as they contain the MISSION and HEART of this board for bringing people of all levels of Christian maturity together for inspiring and encouraging discussions.

As far as I can tell, NO ONE here is unsaved - we are ALL walking together with Christ. Different denominations - Catholics, Presbyterians, Baptists, Pentecostals, Bapticostals, Four Square, and even plain ole followers of Jesus - but ALL of us are loving God, the Father, through His son, Jesus.

Get my drift?

Yeah.

And I'm done talking about this, anyway.

I talked to my cousin's wife last night, and she confirmed that the person on this board who I thought was talking to that particular individual........is.

So anything I say on here is probably being re-routed back to him, and causing the "idle babbling" to spread like cancer like it says in I Timothy.

As far as the Catholic thing goes.......my youth ministry I have is interdenominational.........so anybody can stick that feather in their hat if they want.........because it's pretty radical. This "us vs. them" attitude is hateful and is hurting a lot of people and standing in the way of ministry, and needs to go bye bye, in ALL denominations.

........which is what we're all about.

:-)

ok, ok, good idea

haha, i'm not tryin' to be bitter, i completely agree with ya on that 1....as i said before, religion sucks. and i'd rather not talk about it than start an arguement HERE...now, anywhere else i probablly would just for the sake of debate, but i'll drop ot xD

Slow down there Tonn, this is a public forum, if you wanted it kept private, it should've been in a private setting. As far as running and telling this person or that person this or that, it's not the case, I have enough sins to deal with, I don't need to add internet gossip to the list!

Blah.

:-X

blah......... ?
hahaha


wait, what?
im confused again.