Last night I was watching a show on TruTV where a lady said that God told her to kill abortion doctors and bomb the clinics. I think that was really messed up and wrong, but - it's true that sometimes God does tell us to do crazy things that don't make sense. I don't necessarily think what she did was right, but John and Tommy and I had an interesting discussion about how God chooses to use crazy people to do crazy things sometimes.
But then there's the situation about what God has told me to do.
Last week, my son and I had taken a third shift job. It was electronic assembly and only paid $8.50 an hour, which is only $1.00 an hour more than you would make here in Columbus, at Taco Bell. It was the ONLY thing we could find, after scouring the newspapers and websites here in Columbus for an entire month.
About eight months ago, God spoke to me very clearly one day and told me to go into full time ministry (with our existing indie youth ministry), and to make quilts and clothing and sell them. It was the most clearly He has spoken to me in many years. At the time I told Him that if He wanted me to do that, then He was going to have to provide me with an income. I didn't tell anybody except my husband and son at the time, about this message.
A few months later, out of the blue, a lady came up to my mom at church and told her to tell me to call her because she wanted to fund our ministry to go 501c3 non-profit, which means we'll basically be a parachurch ministry, and can accept charitable donations from businesses and individuals, government grants and the like. That lady has plunked down $1500 on us for an attorney, and a new printer/copier/fax/scanner. We are now incorporated with a federal tax ID number, and I just finished our Statement of Faith tonight and am working on our Articles of Incorporation and Bylaws. This lady is also a CPA and will be helping me with our books.
After that, things were getting bad politically and racially at our job at Siemens, and I ducked into the ladies' room one day to pray. "Lord, this is getting bad", I told Him, "I know You told me to do full time ministry, but I have to have this job. Please provide me with clear direction on what to do because I don't feel safe here but I can't quit!" People had been yelling at us in the breakroom and parking lot and sticking stickers on our car, and we finally reported the harrassment. Two days later we were told that our christian t-shirts and music that had been fine for a year, were "divisive", and we were both fired. So I guess I had my answer!
Also, my friend Missy has gotten tired of sewing and has given me boxes and boxes and boxes of fabric. A kid from our youth ministry asked me to sew him some deerskin pants, and I did, having never sewn pants before in my life. They have a button fly and a waistband, and everything. I had no idea that my talent in that area was quite that intense. I did great at geometry in school, and maybe that's why.
So imagine - here I am, I'm at this third shift job, I'm never seeing my husband, I'm bored out of my mind and falling asleep and hating every minute of it, having chest pains at break time...........and then this guy sitting next to me tells me he makes all his own clothes.
He is so talented that he even made his own winter coat.
He proceeds to tell me that he's been at that job for two years, lives all alone, and can't meet anybody because it's hard to get out into society when you work those hours. In two years his shift has never changed. He's pasty white but is the healthiest person there. Everybody else looks like hell on earth in the face. He has made himself 50 pairs of jeans and makes a new outfit every weekend.
I asked him why he never started his own business and told him about mine. He said he had never considered starting his own business but might be interested in working together with me. I can't imagine wanting to do electronic assembly when you have such a talent.
And so I'm sitting there, and God's going, "You're being disobedient!" "You didn't pray about this job!" "I didn't tell you to take this job!" "If you don't get to see John don't blame me!" "I told you what you're supposed to do!" "You took this out of fear and desperation!"
The clencher was this past Sunday in church. There I am standing on the stage and I almost passed out during a song, from being so sleepy. During church I get chest pains and can't stay awake. The speaker was the husband of my former principal from a christian school I went to - somebody very special who is also very old. I'll probably never get the chance to hear him speak again. I can't even remember anything he said.
I stood up in the back to stay awake. The lady who's funding our ministry grabbed me and sat me down and asked me what's wrong. I told her, and burst into tears. I told her I knew I had been disobedient to the Lord by taking that job, but I was afraid and desperate. She told me that I needed to follow God's will and that my husband needed to understand, and that he had better not require me to continue being disobedient.
And so after 20 years of job hopping from one dead end job to the next, I'm finally staying home! I have two businesses to run, and best of all - a ministry! And just the other day I found a website with pages and pages of government grants we can apply for as soon as we're non-profit!
Just because we keep kids out of trouble - there are people who will give us grants. Because we teach them how to act and mime - there are performing arts grants. Because we help kids get off drugs - there are drug free initiative grants! There are grants and grants and grants. My work is cut out for me!
But anyways I have peace about staying home and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And funny enough years ago John was saying, "Hey we should start a youth group or something!" and at the time I was like, "No, nobody would come", LOL and I had one horrible job after another back then and even had to stay home for a month one time just to come to my senses after being fired in such a mean way that I swear I wanted to slash the guy's tires! I actually stayed in bed for a week back then because I knew if my feet hit the floor I would go do something and end up in jail. The things that guy said to me when he fired me, were so mean. He basically told me I was a fat, ugly redneck and would never make it in life. Ironically my next boss knew him and said he was a real jerk.
All my life I've been running from God's will and now I'm finally done. No more nasty bosses and no more catty coworkers.
I know that God will provide even if we have to go to food pantries or whatever, which we have been and it's ok. Food pantries are great places to witness to hurting people, to help women who need extra money to start their own businesses with Avon, and maybe some day to take quilts to and pass out.
We lost our van last week, too. Our van that we picked all the kids up in. But that has lit a fire under me to get on the ball about fundraising. Avon fundraisers are awesome and our kids can do one for our group, I found out.
Anyways sorry to ramble but I'm finding it rather exciting seeing how things are beginning to unfold.
And I'm finding it interesting that God is using somebody that Dan from O.E.H.N. said would never amount to anything.