how do you heal a broken heart when you ccaused it

I caused my beloved partner heartache because I relapsed on alcohol and
didn't call him and disappeared. Now that I am sober and sane it just seems more and more awful. He and I were together for three years I am a girl.
I was a fool. He says he is finished and probably is. I am empty and i misss the joy and love he brought to my life. i am in recovery but I was before this all happened I know God can heal anything but this is rough to ovwercome.

Do you have a sponsor or an A.A. group? In this situation, you need people to help you face to face. Perhaps if he saw that you were seeking help, more help than before, it would change things. But all you can do is, as they say in A.A., take it "one day at a time". And I'm sure you know the Serenity Prayer so I won't beat you over the head with it....



Hang in there.

jennar8s wrote:

...I know God can heal anything but this is rough to overcome.

Yes it is - because you still have to walk through it to overcome it. Follow Tonne's advice - this is something you cannot, CANNOT do alone. Get into a support group, go everyday, and keep in touch with us here. We will help as much as we can also.

God LOVES YOU dearly.... never let go of that!

I take a more secular view on this....You went too far. You lost something great in your life.....Accept that...Learn from it....Suffer and remember...grow from it.
Alcohol...I have a problem with it too....I accept EVERYTHING that comes my way from it. It is MY weakness that makes me unable to put it down. The horrors to come , I will accept, they are my fault.....Or I will stop drinking, start taking my brain meds ...The choice and consiquences are BOTH MINE.

That's true to an extent, but my great grandma used to have a plaque on her wall. It said,

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS"

jennar8, I have a big brother who just lost his homeless housing apartment because of alcohol. He was drunk and thought his friend was in trouble, because his friend was in HIS apartment moaning and groaning because HE was drunk, and my brother grabbed a fire extinguisher and battery-rammed his friend's door in, trying to help him. He broke the fire extinguisher AND the door frame.

This was either state or county property, having been part of the homeless housing building (which is a really nice place), and also this was not the first time he has been violent there. They have given him chance, after chance, after chance, after chance.

So when a lot of people would look at this as a bad thing, there is a place in southern Ohio called The Refuge, where he really needs to go. Either there, or Teen Challenge, or Outreach where Tommy went, or somewhere. The funny thing is, he wants to go to rehab, and was looking into Talbot Hall, which is OSU's rehab. Problem is, Talbot Hall has no beds empty. Also Talbot Hall would be a 6 day treatment program, hardly good enough for a problem that a 47 year old has had since he was 11.

My mom says it would be like putting a one inch band aid on a foot long incision!

In addition to alcohol, my brother has been on crack, cocaine, marijuana, and many, many other drugs, for years.

So it looks like some force outside of my brother, is forcing him to go to a long term facility. Any of the long term facilities around here, are all Christian based. Most are even charismatic, encouraging the infilling of the Holy Spirit and everything, and some even have ministry training centers for when people are past the issues of their disease, and have been in for at least a year.

Honestly if this has been an ongoing problem, and you really REALLY want some serious help, I have a very strong suggestion for you. No matter where you live in the country, there is a Teen Challenge near you. Don't let the name fool you, because you have to be at least 18 to go there.

Teen Challenge has been around for 50 years, and has the highest PERMANENT recovery rate in the country, of any long-term treatment program.

Their permanent success rate, meaning that the people who go in never ever go back on drugs or alcohol.....is 85%.

The reason they use for that statistic, they like to call the "Jesus Factor". They say without the healing power of Jesus in your life, you CANNOT have permanent recovery.

My brother needs the Jesus Factor and so do you, Jennar8.

I hope and pray that you seek it.

Here's the website if you want to get started towards finding a Teen Challenge Center near you:

www.teenchallengeusa.com

Love In Christ,

Tonya

As another recovering alcholic/addict here I have to say that - and I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear -
Some of the things we do when we are abusing are beyond our control to fix. We can get forgiveness from God and from those we hurt, but sometimes user don't burn bridges, we dynamite them and then scatter the ashes to the wind.
I can tell you I could spend the rest of my life trying to fix what I broke during my many years of addiction and there would still be things left broken.
I was using from when I was like 13 or 14 until I was 23.
Pray hard hun. Maybe the hurts you caused weren't so deep that they can't be forgiven. But while you are learning to live a sober life, sobriety has to be a top priority and if you place too much on healing this relationship you place yourself in danger of slipping right back into using.
I quit various differerent things a hundred different times and until I got my head totally striaght it would only take the slightest thing to send me straight back to the cold embrace of substances. And it gets harder and harder to quit everytime.
Ask for forgiveness from him, show him you're trying to make things better, but be prepared to maybe not hear what you would like to.
I am really sorry if this is hard to hear, but I would hate to sugar coat everything and have to see you have just that one second of weakness it takes to go back to you bad ways.

Thanks Ton. I keep going over and over the horror of the relapse and now I see at times I could have gotten out of it and d=salvaged things. I was just too far gone. I will pray for your brother. It just couldnot have gone any wose as far as he was concerned. I was so happy with him. He loved me and I loved him. I destroyed it over stupidity, reactiovating my alcoholism and holdin g on to a frinedship with someone who didn't haved my best iknterests at heart. thanks everyone. Panzer I understand your feelings but seems harsh. Every alcoholic's situation is different.

Emotional pain and anguish is one of those things that make us human. Think about it and make it your own. Indeed hold on to it and bring it to the surface everytime you want a drink. It can be the motivation you need to stay sober.

You are right; every alcoholic's situation is different. But you have to be at that point where sobriety worth the sacrifice of being sober. You will always be an alcoholic. But alcoholics don't have to drink. Find that thing that makes sobriety worth it and run.

Cheers!

Ian

Sober since 25 September 2004.

Well guess what? My brother got saved and filled w/the Holy Spirit tonight!!!! Seriously it was like nothing I've ever seen. It was EPIC.

I'll write a whole new thread for that!